I realize it’s not the most constructive way to heal or relieve my stress, not to mention completely immature…but I don’t care. It makes me feel better and I’ve been feeling bad for so long, I think I deserve it, and so does he by the way. He created this monster when he cheated on me. I mean, I have children with this man, we built a life together.
Something has changed in me, I’m not going to physically hurt anyone but I’m done being treated like a doormat. I’m sure my pre-menopausal state has something to do with my recent madness, or maybe this is my mid-life crisis, although I thought my recent “vagscaping” was my mid-life crisis…(Hellooooo Mr. Miyagi. Wax on/wax off). Whatever it is it’s making me feel better.
So to recap the last few months, I’ve successfully completed the old ‘powder the bitch’s locker’ trick and the ‘switch your scumbag husband’s Viagra for Estrogen’ maneuver. My latest scheme, you’re gonna love this, I sent his girlfriend an anonymous letter. Through some investigation, (okay…snooping. whatever) I discovered the ho’s identity. She’s a divorcee from that snotty football mom clique. She knows he’s married and still living at home so I consider her fair game. Anyway, she works at Town Hall so I sent her a letter from a ‘concerned co-worker’ that went as follows:
I wanted to let you know that recently, many of us in the office have noticed an unpleasant odor coming from your private area. I was too embarrassed to tell you in person but thought you should be aware since several of your co-workers, mostly the men, are now joking about it behind your back. In fact I intercepted a picture someone had left on your desk of a rotten fish. Maybe you should visit your OBGYN or douche, but please do something quick because it’s making us all very uncomfortable.
A Concerned Co-Worker
Sometimes, I scare myself.