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Call waiting…

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After years of marriage I forgot the first rule of dating…Don’t give it away on the first date!  The second rule of dating…Don’t give it away on the first date!

But I did.  And now I’m back in high school, waiting by the phone.  He said he’d call Thursday, it’s now Saturday.  Why would he call?  I gave him the prize and he didn’t even have to work for it.  Handed it right to him. Game over.

phone waiting

I need therapy.  I keep doing things that make me feel horrible about myself.  I’m spiraling downward and I can’t stop.  One of the things I feel horrible about is how I handled things with Ryan.  I was selfish and should have told him about his wife and Erich.  I came out looking really bad in that situation.  Then yesterday I felt even worse.  I was in my car reading while waiting for my son’s baseball practice to end (football is over, baseball now), Ryan’s son is also on the team.   I had seen him earlier but figured there was no way he’d talk to me so I just buried my nose in a book.  I was surprised when he tapped on my window.  I rolled it down, he asked how I was.

“I’m okay…you”?  I pasted on a phony smile.

“Alright, I guess.  How’s it going with you and Erich”?

I’m sure the “ugh” face I made was enough but I answered anyway.  “Not good.  Separate rooms.  Tension.  Just trying to hold it together for the kids.  How about you guys”?

“Trying to hold it together too.  Listen, I wanted to apologize for what happened. You weren’t to blame.  It wasn’t your place to tell me. . .”

“No.  I should have told you.  I’m really sorry.  Really, really sorry.  I was being selfish”.  Whew…that felt good to get out!

“The whole thing was a mess.  I just wanted you to know I wasn’t mad at you or anything.  You were going through your own shit”.  He smiled, warm and genuine.  

He’s really nice.  God dammit…I’m really stupid. 

I guess he saw I was bummed, although I don’t think he realized why.  It wasn’t because of my marriage, it was him.  I really blew it.  He tried to lighten the mood.  “So, you look really pretty”. His tone was so soft and sweet, I wanted to cry.

Just as I was about to say something, my cell phone rang.  I glanced at the number…Lambert.  Guess the game is back on.  I tensed up, Ryan noticed.

“I’ll let you get that.  I just wanted to reach out, let you know how I felt.  Take care Nicole”.  Then he walked away.  Shit!

I answered the phone.  Too late.  Double shit!  Should I call him back?  Then, my text message chimed.

Meet me tonight, 10pm at Fourth Street Cinema.  I’ll be in theater 2, back row.  Wear a skirt.  Mr. Lambert

What the fuck?  Who the hell does he think he is?  He just assumes I have no plans and assumes I’ll follow his orders?  What an asshole.  No fricken way am I going.

I went back to reading my book.  I read the same paragraph ten times and still didn’t know what it was about.  Dammit!  I’m not going.  Of course the little devil on my shoulder was deciding which skirt I should wear.  She is very powerful.  She took control of my fingers and texted him back…

“See you at 10”.

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About Marnie

Writer, photographer, crafter & crappy chef

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