After years of marriage I forgot the first rule of dating…Don’t give it away on the first date! The second rule of dating…Don’t give it away on the first date!
But I did. And now I’m back in high school, waiting by the phone. He said he’d call Thursday, it’s now Saturday. Why would he call? I gave him the prize and he didn’t even have to work for it. Handed it right to him. Game over.
I need therapy. I keep doing things that make me feel horrible about myself. I’m spiraling downward and I can’t stop. One of the things I feel horrible about is how I handled things with Ryan. I was selfish and should have told him about his wife and Erich. I came out looking really bad in that situation. Then yesterday I felt even worse. I was in my car reading while waiting for my son’s baseball practice to end (football is over, baseball now), Ryan’s son is also on the team. I had seen him earlier but figured there was no way he’d talk to me so I just buried my nose in a book. I was surprised when he tapped on my window. I rolled it down, he asked how I was.
“I’m okay…you”? I pasted on a phony smile.
“Alright, I guess. How’s it going with you and Erich”?
I’m sure the “ugh” face I made was enough but I answered anyway. “Not good. Separate rooms. Tension. Just trying to hold it together for the kids. How about you guys”?
“Trying to hold it together too. Listen, I wanted to apologize for what happened. You weren’t to blame. It wasn’t your place to tell me. . .”
“No. I should have told you. I’m really sorry. Really, really sorry. I was being selfish”. Whew…that felt good to get out!
“The whole thing was a mess. I just wanted you to know I wasn’t mad at you or anything. You were going through your own shit”. He smiled, warm and genuine.
He’s really nice. God dammit…I’m really stupid.
I guess he saw I was bummed, although I don’t think he realized why. It wasn’t because of my marriage, it was him. I really blew it. He tried to lighten the mood. “So, you look really pretty”. His tone was so soft and sweet, I wanted to cry.
Just as I was about to say something, my cell phone rang. I glanced at the number…Lambert. Guess the game is back on. I tensed up, Ryan noticed.
“I’ll let you get that. I just wanted to reach out, let you know how I felt. Take care Nicole”. Then he walked away. Shit!
I answered the phone. Too late. Double shit! Should I call him back? Then, my text message chimed.
“Meet me tonight, 10pm at Fourth Street Cinema. I’ll be in theater 2, back row. Wear a skirt. Mr. Lambert“
What the fuck? Who the hell does he think he is? He just assumes I have no plans and assumes I’ll follow his orders? What an asshole. No fricken way am I going.
I went back to reading my book. I read the same paragraph ten times and still didn’t know what it was about. Dammit! I’m not going. Of course the little devil on my shoulder was deciding which skirt I should wear. She is very powerful. She took control of my fingers and texted him back…
“See you at 10”.