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Part 2 of: What I Did on My Spring Vacation

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raccoons

As darkness fell and my bladder filled I realized I needed to do something or risk being eaten alive by raccoons.

I really only had two options. 1) scream until someone called the police or, 2) lop off a boob like James Franco lopped off his arm in that movie “127 Hours”.

The sharpest thing I had in my bag was an Emory board so option 2 was out.  I was going to have to scream and really loud.  The homes are at least an acre apart here.

I ran through the scenario in my head. The police would show up. They’d pull me out and arrest me and of course contact evil Shannon.  I could just picture it.  I’d be locked in a cell while they laughed their asses off in New Orleans.  He’d leave me in jail to rot.  My kids would hate me. When I joked about robbing a bank, being sent to jail didn’t sound so bad.  But now that I was actually faced with the possibility, it scared the crap out of me.  Maybe I’ll opt for number 3, offering myself as a Pupu Platter for raccoons.

As I savored my last minutes as a free, albeit stuck woman, a car pulled down the driveway.  Oh my God.  They came back early.  

The car door shut.  Only one door.  Jesus.  She’s by herself.  She’ll find me and torture me like she did when we were kids.  She’ll stuff something in my mouth so I can’t scream then go in the house and do horrible things like duct tape my feet together then tickle them until I throw up.  Or maybe she’ll…

“Nicole?  Nicole are you here?”  It was Lambert.

“I’m over here.”  It was dark, I couldn’t see him but I heard him getting closer. “Over here.”  Then, through the darkness, I saw him.  “Down here”, I said.

He walked closer and finally spotted me.  He stared at me a moment, like he couldn’t believe what he was seeing.

“Hurry up, I have to pee really bad”.

He kneeled in front of me.  “What the hell is going on?”

“I’ll tell you while you pull me out”.

“Okay”.  He assessed the situation then grabbed me under my arms and pulled.  It wasn’t working.

“It feels like my belt loop is stuck on something”, I said.

“Maybe I can reach…” He wedged his arm in the window, trying to find what was stuck.  His crotch was right in my face.  “I can’t get to it.  Shit.”

He pulled his arm out and looked at me, frustrated and confused.  “Whose house is this Nicole?  And why were you sneaking in the window?”

“It’s my step sister’s house.  Well, it was my Dad’s house, but he left it to her.”

“And?” I could tell he wasn’t going to help unless I told him the truth.

“My husband and my step sister are messing around.  Right now they’re together in New Orleans.”

“Well that really sucks.  But it doesn’t explain why you’re hanging out of a window.”

“I just, I was thinking about it and I got mad.  I had a key, she changed the locks.  I don’t know why I came here.  I was just pissed off.”  It sounded stupid because it was stupid.  He could see I was upset and lightened up.

“I have an idea”.  He reached down and squeezed my boob.  I didn’t know what he was doing until my boob slid into the window.  He did the same with the other.  “Okay, now move around and see if you can get your belt loop free.”

I did as he said and it came free right away.  “It’s not stuck anymore.  You can pull me out now.”

“I think our best bet is for you to stick with your original plan and go in.  I’m going to hold your arms as you slide down”.

He held tight as I slowly slid down to the floor.  I stood a moment, my legs were a bit shaky.  He looked down at me through the window.  “Now go open the basement door.  And Nicole…try not to leave any fingerprints.”

Oh yeah, I thought.  Good thinking.  I flipped on the light switch with my elbow then pulled my sleeve over my hand and opened the cellar door.

“It’s open!”  I couldn’t wait, I had to pee so bad.  I sprinted up the steps and tried not to leave any prints as I  ran for the bathroom.  I went in, kicked the door closed and sat.  Oh sweet relief.  Not just my bladder but the whole situation.

When I came out of the bathroom I saw Lambert standing at the end of the hall staring into the spare bedroom. With a stunned expression he turned to me.  “Holy shit Nicole, your step sister is a freak”.

Oh my God what is it?  I was scared to look.  If freaky ass Lambert thought she was a freak it had to be pretty bad.  I had to see it though.  Apprehensively I made my way over, stood behind him and looked over his shoulder.

I couldn’t believe what I saw.  “What the hell?”

__________________________________________________________________

Tune in for Part 3 of:  What I Did on My Spring Vacation

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About Marnie

Writer, photographer, crafter & crappy chef

Inspire me

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