A week had passed since Eric returned from his “business trip” and he wasn’t acting any different. It was torturing me. I’d think he was doing it on purpose, like psychological warfare, but he isn’t that smart. How could he be so calm? Not only did he find out I had discovered his affair with my evil step sister but I trashed her living room, found her adult nursery and saw his man-baby portrait. Yet he was his normal, douche-bag self…it was diabolical!
I couldn’t take it anymore so I decided to call Carol, the good step sister. I had to think of an excuse since I just called her on Easter and we only speak a few times a year. She’s nice enough, we just have nothing in common. She’s much older than me, lives with a herd of cats and sits around all day making those hideous, random refrigerator magnets you see at the K-Mart checkout.
The magnets. I’ll tell her I want to learn how to make the magnets.
With a plan in place, I called Carol. After an excruciating hour of magnet talk she mentioned that someone broke into Shannon’s house while she was away.
“Oh my goodness, that’s terrible!”, I say.
“She’s terrified. Apparently they wrecked her living room, smashed everything to bits. Can you believe people these days?”
“Horrible. So…was that it? Just the living room?”
“Well, I probably shouldn’t tell you this but whoever did it…well they…they stole all of her underwear.”
“I know. Sick. So I’ll see you bright and early tomorrow. I just got a shipment of crafts so that should keep us busy all day. Goodbye dear.” Carol hung up. I just stood there, frozen.
He went back and stole her underwear. This is a sickness. What the hell does he do with them? Never mind, I don’t want to know.
I had avoided returning Lambert’s texts all week, he kept saying we needed to talk. Yeah, I guess so. So I sent him a reply saying I’d been busy and to get in touch with me when he had a chance.
So this morning while crafting cheesy refrigerator magnets with my step sister Carol and her eight cats, Lambert got in touch. He never mentioned the underwear but told me he returned to Shannon’s house the next morning. He was afraid I’d get in trouble since I left the photo album out so he went back and took it. He also said there was something else he had to tell me but it would have to be in person. So much for avoiding him. We’re meeting tomorrow night, and I’m NOT going to wear a skirt.
I sure hope his information equals the eight hours of magnet making fun I had with Carol.