The events of this past month are truly book-worthy. How about, “The Nanny Napper” or maybe “The Disappearance of the Diapering She-Devil”. Wait…I’ve got it! “The Scandalous Secrets of Shanny the Nanny”.
“Shanny the Nanny” is what Shannon (my evil step sister), calls herself. More importantly, this is what her clients call her. Shanny’s long client list include not only the newly retired Principal Burke, but many other high-profile names. How do I know this? Because Lambert confessed to not only retrieving the bizarre man-baby photo album from Shannon’s house, but grabbing her computer as well.
That was the first bombshell. Then came the second.
Lambert anonymously used some incriminating information he found on her computer against several of these high-profile clients. I guess he saw how well it worked with Principal Burke so he thought what the hell, I’ll just bribe, extort and threaten some high-ranking people. He thinks one of these people thought it was Shannon making the threats so they…well…who knows what they did to her but she’s gone! Was she fitted for cement shoes? Sent on a one way trip to Siberia? Put into a wood chipper and is now fertilizer? Right now it’s a mystery only a few of us know about because Carol doesn’t want to report her missing yet.
Now for number three. Eric was served his divorce papers at work yesterday. I totally forgot that I had listed his affair with Shannon as one of the reasons for divorce. Cut to the chase…Eric thinks I’m responsible for Shannon’s disappearance. Once he realized I knew about the affair and the diaper thing, he put the pieces together and figured out I was the one who broke into Shannon’s house and trashed it. So of course it looks like I took the photo album and her computer. Holy crap what a mess. He threatened to tell the police so I threatened to make his diaper photo and his affair with my step sister public. We ended in a stalemate…for now.
So what the hell happens now? Guilt riddled Lambert thinks we should do some detective work. He had contacted four people on that list so it has to be one of them. I always wanted to be Nancy Drew. Who should Lambert be? Sherlock Holmes? (the Robert Downey Jr. version) Or Magnum P.I.? Nah..I’m not a moustache gal. I do however, really dig ascots…ZOIKS!